T Bear is almost three. He asks me everyday if he is three now. He is so excited to turn three. With this new age approaching, new behavior is emerging. Good and bad.
The other day I lost it. I actually became so frustrated and upset with T Bear that I YELLED at him and meant it. I have never done that before. Afterward, I felt terrible. I called Big D and cried about what I had done. Deep down, I was hoping that my efforts of being patient, kind and loving would allow me to escape ever yelling at my children.
Later I was talking to a good friend and she said that this all happened because of FREE AGENCY. T Bear is now becoming older, smarter and capable of making his own choices.
I realized that Free Agency is the worst part of motherhood. I want to tell them what do to so that they will be happy and healthy for their whole lives. I don't want them to disobey, or make bad choices and have to deal with the consequences. Unfortunately for T Bear, his consequence was me yelling.
Sigh.... I know Free Agency is all part of Heavenly Father's plan, but I am not so sure that I, as a mother, would have made it part of my plan.
-Miss T
this is profound. and the pictures adequately match. i'm not so sure how well i handle the free agency thing all the time either. but just so you know Miss T, you are still a wonderful mother. yes you are.
ReplyDeleteI still have a hard time remembering that my kids have agency ... I think it will be a lesson I am continuing to always learn :) !!
ReplyDeleteIt give you perspective on how Heavenly Father must feel. He knows us perfectly. He gives us commandments, and rules to live by - not to be mean, but to protect us and keep us safe so that we never have to deal with those horrible consequences. There have been several times where I will be upset with my kids for just not listening. Why won't you listen? You know the rules - then I remember my own faults and how irritating that has to be to Heavenly Father. Especially when I know better. Kind of humbling. :)
ReplyDeleteit's true amanda, I have free agency as well. I don't always make right choices, when really if I would just follow Heavenly Father's plan I would be happier too. Maybe I will be humble enough to write about that someday....
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