Friday, August 6, 2010

Musing on Love Part I

Hey Miss T-

I bet you would think this post would be about love and how it is (or should be) the center of all weddings, because I am away from Seattle for the purpose of a wedding. Actually, my musing on love doesn't have much to do with romantic love, though don't get me wrong I love romantic love, but this part I musing on love is actually just about a love between friends, a very human and pure love. It is also going to reveal one of my major insecurities, which you actually already know about.

My roommate Bert waited one hour for me at the airport, in her little car named Cedric-Stanley, ignoring the inquisitive and challenging stares of the security man all the while. As we drove home she told me a secret. It was obvious that she just couldn't keep the great news inside any longer. "I made pudding pops for when we get home!" PUDDING POPS! I LOVE PUDDING POPS! In the year 2006 I had an unnatural excitement and small obsession with introducing my freshman roommates to the greatness that is pudding pops, and they have forever been cherished as a priceless treat. This childhood snack of frozen pudding fuses happy childhood memories, with chocolate, and cold-treat-goodness. It's a tough act to beat, a pudding pop treat. Inside my heart was happy, outside my face was grinning, and my hands waved in tense little jerks of excitement until I channeled the energy into a solid fist pump. How did she know, that pudding pops were absolutely perfect for this occasion? How did she know it would thrill my soul so well?

Then we arrived at home, and once again she surprised me with a gift, my current favorite box of cereal: Raisin Bran Crunch! Who does that? Who gives a house-welcoming present to your guest staying for one night that made you pick her up at the airport at indecent hours of the night? She had also put clean sheets on the top of her bunk bed, and offered me some of her peanut M&M's. In every way she took care of me and gave me the most pleasant experience. Now my question to you is, why did she do this? The only logical answer I have is because she has the illogical emotion love, and in my case I'm lucky that she loves me as a sister.

So I muse about love. Because as I lay in my clean sheets that night I felt how undeserving of such kindness and generosity I was. I thought to myself, "Why does she love me?" and "What can I do to make sure she still loves me?" and "What if I do something wrong so that she doesn't love me anymore?" This is where my insecurity is revealed. I am afraid of losing people's love; I'm afraid of not deserving people's love; I feel like I want to pay back people who give me love; and I really hope I can live up to whatever reasons people may find in their hearts to love me. This is a rude insecurity that I have, because it makes me doubt the best in people. So I am working on it.

As I muse about love though, love muse part I, I am so impressed with how it has to do with the little details, and the little things that mean a lot. How hard was it to buy a box of Raisin Bran Crunch? Well it's certainly not the MCAT, but taking the time to get a cereal I like just so I can have it the one morning I wake up at her house, means a lot more to me than Bert's really good score on the MCAT (though I am really grateful and proud of her that she rocked that thing). Sitting at the airport and not being mad about it and still being excited to see me more than one half hour after the planned time, now that takes love.

And there is no better way to show someone you love them, then by making them a pudding pop (if they love pudding pops that is).

And so Miss T, I thank you for the little things you do for me too. Like making sure I get to the bread out-let store that is just to die for, and buying my favorite kind of bread with raisins in it (see a common food theme?), and making me a sandwich as I'm leaving because I forgot to do it myself. Thank you for giving me your love.

A sister should always be best at this kind of love, and you are.

Aunty KK
PS: Stay tuned for more musing on love, the romantic love kind, because with all these weddings I'm sure that will be coming along.


  1. throw that insecurity out the window! you are too great not to love!

  2. Tenley is right Kaldawg! You are the best! I would do anything for you.